running out of springfield

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:50:45 GMT

Been having some rough dreams lately about my brother. I wrote his wife again the other day, she said "Jimmy doesn't even remember your name, stop writing me!!"

I don't believe that. It's hard to wish you knew your brother, and know that the messages that you send to him are actually getting to him, but they aren't. This is emotionally messing with me. In my dream, he announced that I was his sister without me even telling him. He recognized me in my dream, and he said it was because he saw my hands, and he knew we were the same.
"Hands indicate purpose.
Purpose is the ability to conceive an intention for actions. Intention is important because it sets into motion karma, an indebtedness to Self for learning. When hands are outstanding in a dream it will usually indicate the dreamer's need to give attention to the intentions behind the actions."

I know that there is more to this.

April 11, 2008

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:54:24 GMT

I have a huge secret, and I cannot wait to share it!

oh god

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 21:49:20 GMT

ponder

Mon, 14 May 2007 20:38:56 GMT

i have an interview at trish's teas in baldwin park tomorrow.
baldwin park is this fancier version of baytowne wharf in destin.
it just so happens to be a couple streets from my apartment.
it's nice inside, and it'd be good to meet some friends.
i'm hoping i get the job (:
plus, i could ride a bike to work to get exercise.
but deciding on how many hours the offer me, will determine if i'll leave starbucks
hmph!

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 01:58:20 GMT

http://tinyparts.blogspot.com/

i think i'm finished writing here,
i'll still be checking up on y'all.

free-ee-eakkyyyy

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 19:15:43 GMT

so, nothing's really been goin' on.

i've been working, doing homework, and i'm going to see my bf in 4 days in Orlando!
i'm also going to my future home, and lookin' at my future school (ucf!)
i'm really excited about it.
i can't wait to move to Orlando, gosh, there is just so much for me there.
i can see my life, my friends, and my future there.

besides that, i haven't really found out anything more about my mom's cancer condition.
they ran more tests on the 5th, and they said they would get back to her in 2 weeks.
i'm really worried. i think it's bad, and that scares me more than anything in the world.
the thought of losing my mom to cancer, is like tearing my insides out.

i won't go in depth on that thought, i can't bear to think about it.
i haven't been doing anything extra.
i hang out with jonathan, kiersten, meryl, and ashleigh every once in awhile
today ashleigh and i are going to do something, i like that i'm getting close to her again.
i feel like she needs me, she needs me as a friend to tell her, there are better guys then josh.
she doesn't have to go through that.
and my relationship with drew is so good, and i am so in love with him.

well, i'm kind of rambling.
i miss everyone on this el-jay
sorry i have been distant, i'm trying my best
love.

sometimes things have to happen to you

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 14:08:57 GMT

or to someone you know, to make you believe they really happen.

my mom told me last night she has cancer.

weeeeeeee!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 00:52:36 GMT

college is cool.
i like it, minus the fact i have no time in between classes.
my classes went like this on the first day:
english comp, i have a redneck professor, it's tight he let us out 5 minutes early
music theory, i have a nice old lady and she let us out 15 early. plus we have some sweet writing assignments to do in there.
intermediate algebra(yeah, i got outta trig!)- my teacher is an indian, we had homework the first day. it was linear equations, c'mon!
and last class of the day
i had biology, my professor is pretty good lookin' i have that class with maegan rushing.
we got out an hour and fifteen minutes early, and our homework was to read chapter one.

it's basically pretty easy, and i like that i only have classes 2 days a week (excluding math which is three.)
i have friends in my classes which is sweet too.

but yeah, to go along with the whole more mature short hair professional look.
i dyed my hair black.
i'm liking it, it's the second time i've done it..and it goes well with my skin and cut.

a lot of my friends went off to college this past week and i miss them dearly.
and then some of them stayed around.
i don't have too many to hang out with.
drew and i are still madly in love. i like it all that way.

well, i have to get going, but if anyone reads this and would like to hang out or something soon, i would like it. thanks, and take care everyone. god bless!

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 06:59:49 GMT

just to let everyone know,
it was the best summer of my life.
thanks for the good times
i'll never forget them,ever.
college starts tomorrow.

just let go.

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 03:50:45 GMT

the food that I'm eating
is suddenly tasteless
i know i'm alone now
i know what it tastes like
do break me to small parts
let go in small doses.

don't hurt your legs.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 16:50:27 GMT

all morning i have been in such an adverse mood. my body woke itself up an indefinite amount of times last night, to nothing but the same old blank ceiling. i don't understand why i've been waking up so frequently in my sleep. perhaps it's because i have become distraught with myself. i try to write everything out on paper, but my mind is just continuously wandering. i'm changing. i can feel change all around me. i feel like i'm surrounded by all these people in a room, and they're all talking and i'm the only one quiet. it's almost as if i don't have a voice anymore. sometimes, i'm pretty sure i talk way to loud. i wonder if it's because i feel that people need to hear me. but i feel as if i'm speaking so loud, that they're all covering their ears. what happened? they don't want to hear what i have to say? well, i have a voice. i'm going to use it more often. i am not going to go out of this world without people knowing of my voice. how it sounds, what it stands for. what i stand for. (i sound like a politician right now.) and i'm going to learn to love fully again. even if it means getting a broken heart. i am in love. i love my god, i love my world, i love my family, i love my friends, and i love my drew. i will keep loving until the day i die. i will not be scared or afraid of this world anymore, i promise. i will try to see the good in every person. and most of all, i will learn to love myself.

perhaps, i'm lingering on.

but i needed to get that out.

i love you.

we can't wait, sunday morning is comin' now

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 15:12:48 GMT

so, last night was very difficult.
my boyfriend left to live in orlando this morning at 3AM.
i didn't think it was going to be that hard to tell him goodbye.
it apparently wasn't easy for either of us.
i thought i was the only one crying.
i kept thinking that it was just my tears goin' all over his face,
but they were actually his.
he didn't want me to leave, but i had to go.
i had to let him leave
i kept saying, drew please just go to orlando now.
i hope i didn't hurt him.
i couldn't take all of this.
it's so much.
i cried all night last night.
and i was up til 3AM last night, thinking..
drew should be leaving now.
and this morning i woke up at 9AM (which is the earliest i've woken up in a long time.)
i'm goin' to go to the beach
and try to forget that my boyfriend is a mere 405 miles away.
:/

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 04:51:36 GMT

wow- most of hellogoodbye's "new," material. i have had on a cd for about 2 years it was all their unreleased stuff that was stolen by someone. craaaaaazy!
anyways
they're still one of my favorite bands.
and i'm diggin' the new songs

where are you now?

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 15:46:14 GMT

in high school i loved the idea
that weather and moods
paralleling each other could be defined:
pathetic fallacy
as if by naming these things
we could control the untamed.
as the sun begins to set earlier,
my days grow darker and darker.
sometimes it can be a comfort,
the quietness after a storm;
the worst is over, for a while at least.
i forget that fate is temperamental.
it throws daggers at me one by one,
and i think of the next few months
with an icy knot of dread in the hollow
of my stomach. i have no umbrella
or coat to keep me warm;
nothing will shield me from this violence.

today is one of those days I feel like drivin' around in my car aimlessly listening to music.
i got my system in yesterday, and wow! it sounds so much better.
i've burnt a few cd's this morning
and now i'm just chillin' in my undies

it's so odd everyone's in school
and i feel as if i should be back in school too
but dang, i'm in college
crazy!

so today, i think i am hangin' out with paige?
and then at 7 i'm going to dinner with jonathan
and whatever time left over i'll be spending with my drew (:
and i loooove meryl meigs. she's been by my side for the last few days, and i love her so much for it.

KATELYNN ISNT YOUR BIRTHDAY SOON?

by the way, i FINALLY got the nerve to finish Blue Like Jazz last night. And it was worth it.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 15:50:58 GMT

an insider told me that this man that likes to thinks he is God, is drifting away, and is heading for a fall.
so i'll be ready for him with my butterfly net in my hand to catch him when he falls.

i'm annoyed

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 05:37:58 GMT

i hate how some boys are obviously womanizers.
they're like omg i like you, you are the prettiest girl in the world.
tell you "they've never felt like this before with any other girl", then blow you off.
and about how they can'tthen they write in their journal get girlfriends
and how they hate girls in florida, blah blah blah
get a life
and stop criticizing other people's problems
you know nothing!

i'm so happy my boyfriend isn't like this.
maybe it's because he is a MAN.

just thought i would let everyone know:

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 16:41:04 GMT

this is pretty-much one of the best bands:

http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen
http://www.myspace.com/bishopallen

weeeeeee

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 05:28:13 GMT

yeah, i'm 18.
i'm pretty excited to start this new chapter in my life.
i'm not really celebrating
drew was nice and took me out for hibachi tonight
and ontop of that, he bought me an ipod!
how crazy is that, i was completely blown away
then chelleh & meryl called and sang to me.
i imagine i'll go see monster house or something when i get off of work
if anyone wants to do something, i'm definitely up for some good-to-nothin' birthday fun.

have a goodnight all
& thanks for all the myspace messages and whatnot!

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 22:58:55 GMT

I GET TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND IN SEPTEMBER.
and I'm spending every waking minute with her.
I'm so, so happy :)

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 18:28:05 GMT

blah blah blah
i'm grounded for not coming home last night
what's new?

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 21:36:07 GMT

everythings nearly perfect right now.
i have an amazing relationship with god!
i'm seeing this great boy who i spend everyday with.
i have these awesome friends.
i have a best friend named kiersten mitchell that i would do anything in the world for.
i have two(well kind-of) great jobs.
i'm getting along with my family (for once!)

top that beeeeeeeeeeyatch?
cava blue tonight to watch some jazz drewbie,chelsea, and meryl. i'd suggest you make an appearance!

yeeeeeeah

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 06:24:14 GMT

there's this boy.
he's pretty much one of the most amazing things on the planet.
i've never met someone soo fantastic, and how do i explain it, perfect?
this boy is a devout christian, he can dance to rap with meh, he can see past my imperfections
and i'm crazy!
why am i not moving to orlando sooner?
his name is Drew. he's my partner in Christ!
today we went to the pier,walked the beach, and watched the sun go down
went to dinner at tropical smoothee(haha)
walked around le commons
listened to HIS music in my car
saw my Kiersten :D
sang chasing victory togethaa
danced to rap
drove through fwb
talked about God and relationships
and then enjoyed movie night at Hannah's with her,melissa,nathen alan, nathan pemp, stone, forf, chris,brice, and bill.
it was an amazing day.
i am hangin' out with him tomorrow after work, and he's coming with me the 15th to the hardcore show.
summer has been amazing
in fact, this has probaly been the most amazing summer ever.
when it ends, i will be one sad puppy.
but cheers to great days, great nights, great friends, and a world full of beautiful people.

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 18:11:17 GMT

no one has left me comment on my livejournal lately.
it kind of makes me sad, but then again, none of my friends really use livejournal.

eh?

today is going to be fantastic,
love is in the air!
and then movie get togethaaa at la casa de Hannah!

my work schedule this week is trippin' me out.
check this:
Monday-8-2 (Starbucks)
Tuesday-Off
Wednesday-8-2(Cracker Barrel)/2-9:30 (Starbucks)
Thursday-7-3:30 (Starbucks)/4-10 (Cracker Barrel)
Friday- 8-2(Cracker Barrel)/7-3:30 (Starbucks). WHOA COLLISION.
Saturday- off/ Wedding/ Hardcore Show/Infinity Woman Omega show

then July 26-30 I might be traveling to Chicago for Pitchfork.
Whoaaaaa busy.

i think we might

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 05:35:54 GMT

....be going to Pitchfork instead of Lollapalooza. Both are in Chicago, but more of our friends are going to Pitchfork. Both lineup's are more than exciting.

Pitchfork has bands like Yo La Tengo, Spoon, the WALKMEN (OMG!),the Futureheads, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Band of Horses, Devandra Banhart,Mission of Burma,etc.
Lollapalooza has bands like Broken Social Scene, Sleater-Kinney, The New Pornographers, Iron & Wine, The Shins, Gnarls Barkley, Death Cab, Coheed and Cambria, Built to Spill, Andrew Bird, the Dresden Dolls, Nada Surf, Calexico, Cursive, Panic at the Disco, Stars, Mates of State, Cursive,Mutemath, The Subways,My Morning Jacket,The Flaming Lips, Wilco, etc.

it's obvious Lollapalooza has a better selection of artists.
but if we went to Pitchfork then it would be less expensive, and more of our friends would go.
Pitchfork is only a 2 day festival, and Lollapalooza is 4 days.
so, eh which one?
i'm kind of torn.

ps, i was just thinking how stoked i am for Transformers to come out in 07' it's going to be insane.
end.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 16:29:15 GMT

:(
i'm happy i really am.
i'm just getting sad over things.
distance is going to suck.
i've been crying since about 9.
and it's really lame of me.
but i can't help but be selfish
and want everything for how they are now.
they're perfect and in a month they'll be nothing.
nothing at all.
i'm so scared, and i'm so sad.
i have to quit becoming attached.